In the great theatre of life, we come face to face with an immense variety of marital situations. There are people who form partnerships motivated by subtle interests; others arrive before the altar on wings of social considerations. But normally love is the magnet that attracted them, and it is love that consolidates the partnership. The majority of those who commit themselves in marriage do it with a great illusion which is not real love, much less a solid love.
¿What then is this? It is a seed, an embryo of love which must grow and mature in the marriage over the course of time. In the beginning, that illusion is only a turbulent passion and delight, of birds and songs. Like a rock that rolls along in the torrent, and from so much rolling it acquires a smooth, round shape. So love, rolling along in the torrent of surprises, frights and frequent ups and downs will acquire, as it slowly evolves, the form and maturity of solid realities. All this is acquired in the school of love which is the shared life of marriage.
A mysterious spark spontaneously arises between a man and a woman, and we call it affinity. But this spark, as yet is not love. It is simply a seed which, under the protection of the sun and rain, will scale up the stages of growth until it reaches the stature of a luxuriant tree. Its sap will go flowing down its branches until autumn comes with its load of golden fruits.
But before the fruitful harvest arrives, life has to pass through all the seasons with their breezes and hurricanes, overcoming the arrogance of the strong, the rancor of those harboring resentments and the pride of the powerful.
In other words: that embryo of love has to be subjected to a process of deepening and maturation in the school of love which is marriage, where the spark will be transformed into a blaze during a shared life that is full of memorable moments or adverse vicissitudes. The fundamental task of conjugal life consists of maintaining the flame of love alive and burning.
And what would be the best method in order to attain a similar wonder? The path is that of small details.
At any moment one can leave aside what we are doing and sit beside one’s spouse for no reason. So easy! There is no need to announce anything special or publicly declare some show of affection. A detail by itself is a more eloquent gesture than words. Surprise the spouse at any moment playing some music that he or she really likes. No need of comments. A detail, without words, in effect is saying, “Throughout my life I will be delighted to do things that please you . . .” and so forth.
¡Small details! A particular look, a special smile, a way of holding hands, a setting aside of a few minutes for no reason, a very brief break to ask: How are you? Is your headache gone? Do you need something?
Small details: it is like saying: “You are the most important person to me; I have no other delight than to make you happy…” and so on and so forth.
In this way love becomes a flame that rises to new heights, and in turn we are winning the battle against routine.
This is the way to recreate love at every moment and to attain the wonder and the miracle of finding love has a new face as each morning dawns.
Excerpts from the book “Happy Marriage” by Ignacio Larrañaga
